Fun Is Not a Reward You Earn After Everything Else Is Handled
Back in May, my husband and I did something completely spontaneous. We drove to New Orleans for the day to see Sierra Hull play at the Jazz Festival.
If you don't know Sierra Hull, she's an insanely talented bluegrass mandolin player. And if you do know her, you already understand why this was non-negotiable.
But here's the thing: the moment I said yes to going, my brain immediately started doing that thing. You know the one. The mental scroll of everything I wouldn't get done. The annoying hum of anxiety underneath the excitement. The little voice that said, "You really should stay home and be responsible."
I almost listened to it.
I'm so glad I didn't.
Because that day, the live music, the perfect not-too-hot weather (a rarity in NOLA), the wandering around looking for somewhere to eat dinner, reminded me of something I already know but apparently need to be reminded of regularly: when you're emotionally overwhelmed, you don't need less fun. You need more of it. It's not a reward you earn after everything else is handled — it's something you have to protect on purpose.
(Also: we found a restaurant that served a three-layer banana bread pistachio cake, and I'm still thinking about it. Some experiences are just that good.)
Fun Is Usually the First Thing to Go
Here's what I notice in my work with clients here in Jackson, and maybe you can relate: fun is usually the first thing to go when emotions feel overwhelming. When you're managing anxiety, trying to keep the peace at home, holding everything together, "fun" starts to feel selfish. Or impossible. Or like something you'll get back to eventually.
But here's what's actually true: when you're emotionally overwhelmed, you don't need less fun. You need more of it.
Laughter, play, and spontaneity aren't just nice-to-haves. They're nervous system regulators. They're the thing that reminds your body and brain that you're safe, that life has lightness in it, that you are more than your hardest moments.
Three Ways to Make Sure Fun Actually Happens
So here are three things that help me make sure fun actually happens, not someday, but this week.
Write it down. Take 15 minutes and make two lists: the big things (a trip, a concert, a long weekend) and the small everyday things (a walk, a good meal, calling a friend who makes you laugh until you snort). Having it written down makes it real instead of abstract.
Schedule it like a meeting. "I'd love to do more of that" is not a plan. It's a wish. Put it in your calendar. Protect it. And please, give yourself permission to choose small and chill. Not everything has to be a trip to New Orleans. Sometimes it's a candle and a reality show, and that's perfect.
Don't underestimate laughter. I mean it. When you're overwhelmed, seek out laughter first. Watch a comedian. Share ridiculous cat memes. Have a kitchen dance party with your kids. Fake laugh if you have to (it actually has the same physiological effect as real laughter). Your nervous system doesn't check your sincerity. As Bozo the Clown once wisely said, "Just keep laughing."
(Yes, I just quoted Bozo the Clown in a counseling blog post. We contain multitudes.)
A Question for You
What is one thing, big or small, that you've been putting off that would actually bring you some real joy?
I'd love to hear it. Sometimes just naming it is the thing that makes it happen, and if you're finding it hard to make space for joy in your life right now, that's exactly the kind of thing we can work on together.
Call and schedule an appointment with me, Caty Coffey, today, and let's get you moving toward the life you want instead of settling for the life that is. 601-362-7020.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does fun matter when I'm anxious?
Fun, laughter, and play aren't just enjoyable; they help regulate your nervous system. They signal to your brain and body that you're safe, which can ease the physical symptoms of anxiety and overwhelm.
How do I make time for fun when I feel overwhelmed?
Start small: write down both big and small things that bring you joy, then schedule them like you would any other appointment. Protecting time for fun on purpose, rather than waiting until everything else is done, makes it more likely to actually happen.
Is it selfish to prioritize fun when I'm struggling?
No. When you're managing anxiety or holding a lot together, fun can start to feel like an indulgence you haven't earned. In reality, it's a tool for coping, not a reward for coping well.
