Why Asking for Help in Your Marriage Feels So Hard (And What to Do About It)
By Emily Hartman, MAC, P-LPC | Watershed Counseling, Jackson, MS
The Shame That Makes Asking for Help Feel So Hard
Nobody likes the cone of shame.
And coming to therapy, especially marriage counseling, can feel a lot like wearing one. Even when you know, somewhere deep down, that help is exactly what you need.
I get it. I’ve been on the other side of the room. Sitting on the couch with my husband beside me, tension between us, the counselor across from us asking, “What brings you in?”
And all I can think is: I would rather be anywhere else.
Because it seems like the cone is announcing:
We’re the ones who couldn’t figure it out. Everyone else seems fine. What’s wrong with us?
Shame can feel unbearable. So we cope the best we know how, and we keep the door closed.
How Shame Keeps Couples Stuck
Sometimes we turn inward with self-contempt. I’m a failure. If I were different, we’d be ok.
Sometimes we turn outward with blame. You’re the problem. If you were different, we’d be okay.
And before long, the very help we need feels just out of reach.
Couples get stuck here.
Isolated. Discouraged. Unsure if anything will ever really change.
That’s the power of shame: it keeps you alone.
What Actually Helps Couples Heal
What do you do when you feel the weight of that cone around your neck? Shame tells you to hide. But in my work as a marriage counselor, I’ve seen something over and over: healing moves in exactly the opposite direction. Shame can’t survive in the presence of someone who responds with empathy. When you stop hiding and let someone in, really in, something begins to shift.
What if the way forward isn’t pretending everything is fine but gently, courageously letting someone in? What if asking for help isn’t the end of something, but the beginning?
You weren’t made to carry this alone. Reaching out isn’t weakness; it’s a step toward healing.
What Happens in Marriage Counseling
I know, because I’ve been there, sitting on that couch, wondering how things could change. And I’ve seen, in my work using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method, what becomes possible when couples receive the support they need to lay down shame and blame and begin moving toward each other again. Change is possible. Connection is possible. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.
If you’re ready to take that step, I’d be honored to walk with you.
Marriage Counseling in Jackson, Mississippi
If you’re in the Jackson, MS area and ready to take that first step, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. I also provide telehealth across the state of Mississippi. Call Watershed Counseling’s Client Care Coordinator at (601) 362-7020 to schedule your appointment. We’re here, and we can’t wait to see what becomes possible for your marriage.
Watershed Counseling is a group therapy practice located in Jackson, Mississippi, offering in-person and telehealth counseling services across the state.
Marriage Therapy Frequently Asked Questions
Is marriage counseling available in Jackson, MS?
Yes! Emily Hartman, P-LPC at Watershed Counseling offers marriage and pre-marital counseling in Jackson, MS and via telehealth across the state of Mississippi.
How do I know if my marriage needs counseling?
If you feel disconnected, stuck in the same arguments, or like you’re carrying more than you should have to alone, couples counseling can help. You don’t have to be in crisis to benefit. Some couples come in together not because their marriage is in trouble but because they need help facing issues outside of their marriage together (death of a loved one, infertility, major life changes, loss of a job).
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples?
EFT is a research-backed approach that helps couples understand and change the negative patterns they get stuck in. You learn to see the cycle you get caught in as the problem, not each other, so you can begin to face it as a team. As you understand the deeper emotions underneath, you’re able to respond with more empathy, creating a stronger, more secure connection.
What happens in a first marriage counseling session?
Your first session is a chance to share your story. There’s no pressure; the goal is simply to help your counselor understand where you are and what you’re hoping for.
What do I need to look for in a marriage counselor?
Look for a counselor who is specifically trained in working with couples, not just individuals, and uses a research-based approach to relationships. You’ll also want someone who creates a safe, balanced space where both partners feel heard and not blamed. Most importantly, find someone you both feel comfortable with, since trust and connection are key to meaningful progress.
